I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
