Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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