You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
