Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
