And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
