Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize