He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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