Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
