I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
