Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
