the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
