We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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