Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
