UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
