i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
