he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
