I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
