it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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