No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
