I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
