I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
