Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
