She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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