It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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