just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
