I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
