Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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