so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They have beer where we have blood.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
