Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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