I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
worst night to have a conscience
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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