It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
