so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
