i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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