Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
