I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
