hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
