Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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