I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Still dying that you shit outside
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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