return my video game
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
