God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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