I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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