I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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