you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
