Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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