I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
pop tarts are not kleenex
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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