Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
