just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
