The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
