I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize