I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize