yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to fling myself into the sun
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
