dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
