the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize