I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
