Your dad touched me again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
