WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
