... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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