i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
