yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
