shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize