Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
