I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
