someone threw a dead crab at me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
