I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
