i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
