Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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