I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
