At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The uberlube is also flammable
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize