guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
